I am at a crossroads.

I think.

Here I sit, 1 year 3 months and 14 days after I said (out loud), "I can't do this anymore."

Initially it was like 500 pounds were lifted off of me, but now that I know in four days I can officially start to make "it" official, all 500 pounds plus some are back.

There is nothing I can or want to do. Yet, here's the feeling I so hate.

Maybe it's because the happiness I thought I would have or gain or finally get to experience isn't mine. Maybe it's because the one person who was there with me through it all from day one is suddenly a stranger to me. Maybe it's because I still don't have any of the answers. Or maybe it's as simple as I'm alone, like really really alone, and he's not.

He's moved on.

He loves someone else.

He learned something after all and treats her like I always wish he treated me.

I'm okay with that.

August 2002 I met someone who I hated a little too much. But not really.
September 27, 2003 the choice was no longer ours.
October 2003 I heard the three words every girls wants to hear.
November 21, 2003 our life together started.
August 1, 2006 we made the best thing ever.
March 26, 2007 we made it officially official.
August 19, 2010 I gave up.
March 2012 it will be officially over.

Somewhere there's a circle and it's full.

Maybe I'm having these feelings cause it's around the holiday's or maybe it's the lack of sleep I get these days, either way I'm feeling sad these days.